I'm Back...

I'm back to attempt this journey again. I want it to really be a lifestyle change. When I was last posting in 2014 I was very unhappy. My marriage was failing and focusing on my weight loss and my lifestyle change really made me see that I could make many changes in my life. When I stopped posting was when I attempted to end my marriage the first time which was the end of February 2014. He and I decided to try counseling for a third time. We were consistent and went about twice a month for 8 months. I felt that even though we had worked through and learned a lot, I was still very unhappy. Fast-forward to October 2014, I once again I wanted to end my marriage. I asked my ex husband to move out and I filed for divorce two weeks later.
Now I don't want to make this post a bash on my ex.. that won't make anything feel better. I didn't just wake up one day and decide I didn't want to be married to this person anymore. It was a lot of factors and a long time coming. We had been married for almost five years and together almost seven. We grew apart in many ways and we could never seem to see eye to eye. I still have love for my ex husband. The sad thing is that we didn't end on 100% good terms like I had hoped for. Divorce is messy. Emotions are at an all time high. I was definitely more vocal about my feelings, where he kept his hidden. Throughout the emotional rollercoaster of my divorce, I found refuge in my spirituality. I found self love and acceptance. I learned to relax. I truly believe that our mission here in life is to love each other. If I could go back there are definitely things that I would have done different in my marriage.
After my divorce, I moved back to my dad's house and enrolled in school at Weber State University. I have been working on my prerequisites for the Radiology Tech program. I just submitted my application on January 6th. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I have never wanted something so much! I have longed to work in healthcare. I just wasn't ever brave enough to pursue it until now.

The last change that occurred since 2014 was with my mom. She passed away June 25th 2016. I miss her everyday and still can't believe she is gone. She was diagnosed with Appendix cancer in 2011. She had an intense surgery to get rid of the tumor and to receive chemo. She struggled to bounce back after that. She had multiple surgeries to try and correct some things since then. This last time was just too much on her body. I don't believe we ever truly die. I have no doubt that my mom is around me watching over things. She was so proud of what I was doing to achieve my goals. I have a new motivation to keep going. She was an amazing mother and mentor. I want to leave a positive light in people the way that she did. I met many people who love my mom at her services. She is very loved by many because she loved everyone she came in contacted with.
Needless to say between school, work and the passing of my mom,
I have been stressed, depressed, and a bit crazy at times. I know that grief comes in many forms and I am also not afraid to cry. I am healing. I want 2017 to be positive and light. I want to feel good and I want my body to look good. I believe that starts with what I put in it. I will be blogging my diet, weight loss, and I have also been in talks with my best friend, Roxie about starting a separate duo blog. I am so excited to see where this year takes me!